THE title of the book “Quarterlife: The Search for Self in Early Adulthood” seems very fitting for me, as I am in my 20s and still trying to figure out the best approach to navigate this phase of life.
So, what are “Quarterlifers”? Author Satya Doyle Byock refers to them as individuals between the ages of 20 and 40 and further groups them as “Stability Types” and “Meaning Types”, exploring into the respective types from her therapy clients Grace, Danny, Mira, and Conner as they work through the four pillars of growth in Quarterlife development: Separate, Listen, Build, and Integrate.
According to Byock, “Meaning Types” often have genuine aptitude and talent but struggle with the day-to-day tasks required in modern life. This type longs for more ease in life but struggles internally against ever becoming a “sellout”, resulting in resentment and blaming the world for being unable to live full and functional lives.
In contrast to “Meaning Types”, Byock described “Stability Types” as “solid”, “normal”, or “stable” in one form or another.
They are able to conform to social norms because of a natural inclination or to avoid feeling like outsiders, and they are determined to fit in.
What resonates with me the most is the case study with Conner, where Byock labels it as “Learning What You Like”. Conner, according to Byock, needs to learn to listen to himself, which requires a huge shift, which means practising listening to his instincts, which could be a time-consuming process.
She advises Conner: “You need to use your body and senses and imagination to actually feel what you like, what works for you personally. For you. As an individual. Not because of what you’re told to like or not like. This means feeling it out for yourself.”
I believe it is the same for any other individuals, including myself, where our paths in life are pretty much predetermined — from entering schools, enrolling in universities and obtaining a degree and getting employed, all without obvious interest in mind and when struck with a setback, we scrambled to “get back on track.”
According to Byock, listening is a critical component of Quarterlife, in which it changes the focus from merely achieving a goal to indulging curiosity, in order to understand the path of life itself.
Through trials and tribulations, Byock said this could determine Quarterlifer’s experience of life, in which recognising one’s physical and emotional reactions in any given situation could tell a whole story.
The distinction between “Meaning” and “Stability Types” lead the readers to understand even the smallest of differences between all quarterlifers.
For me, I’m leaning more towards “Meaning Type”, where I feel like I want to learn as many things as possible, but ended up dismissing it all due to the lack of clear path to see them through.
For many “Meaning Types”, in the case of Danny, where dedicating oneself to a task is deemed as “mundane”, however, it provides a long-term effort to enhance their stability in the world. As a natural partner to receptivity required of “Listening”, “Building” requires effort, consistency and willpower.
Byock doesn’t advocate for a straightforward route to achieving greater success or happiness. Instead, she encourages acknowledging the genuine obstacles that arise during this phase of life and offers strategies for increasing self-compassion, confronting past traumas, reconnecting with your authentic self, and discovering what genuinely brings you happiness, all of which can enable you to navigate the profound questions that emerge during early adulthood more effectively.
I would suggest this book to individuals who have been pondering their 20s and seek guidance to embark on their personal journeys.
