When asked by a friend why he wanted to get married, a young man gave a simple answer. “Two is better than one,” he said.
Lijah (sometimes shortened to Ijah) felt incomplete on his own. To him, having a partner, particularly a spouse, made a lot of sense.
“I’ve got a farm to run, crops to tend, animals to care for – it’s a lot of work for one person,” he explained.
“Sounds like you need a worker, not a wife,” said Jamin (short for Benjamin) with a slight tone of reproach.
“I need both, that’s for sure. If I could have both — I mean, two in one — that would be great,” Lijah responded undeterred.
“Any particular woman in the village in your mind?” Jamin asked.
Lijah thought for a second and then said, “Right now? No.”
“What about looks?” Jamin inquired. “You want a pretty wife?”
“No, not really,” Lijah said, shaking his head quickly as if dismissing the thought.
“Why not?” Jamin pressed.
“I’ve thought about it many times,” Lijah said, his eyes fixed on something in the distance.
“And?” Jamin prompted.
“Though I’m not particular about good looks, I prefer a certain kind of woman!” Lijah chuckled.
“Tell me,” Jamin said, his curiosity piqued.
“Well, look at me,” Lijah said. “I’m rather short, so, if possible, I want my wife to be taller than me.”
“What!? Why?” Jamin asked, incredulous.
“Tall wife means tall children!” Lijah chuckled.
“What if all the tall women around here reject you?”
“I’ve considered that too. If it happens, I won’t mind. But at least I am aiming for one tall woman.”
“You’re crazy, man!”
“In certain things, it’s good to be crazy,” Lijah laughed.
“What else do you look for in your potential wife?”
“I want a healthy, tough one.”
“Are you going to take her for a medical check-up, or what?”
“That would be an odd thing to do, but there’s no need for it. Do you know how to tell whether your potential wife is healthy?”
“I don’t know,” Jamin said. “You tell me.”
“Easy, my friend! Look at her parents! If one or both of the parents are sickly ….”
“Really? Come on, man! You can’t be serious.”
“I am serious. And it’s good logic. One day she’ll look like her mother. So, look at the mother. And do it now; not after you’re married.”
“Ya, come to think of it, maybe you’re right.”
“Not ‘maybe’! I am right! You better watch out, man.”
“What about her siblings?”
“If she has siblings, look at them too.”
“What about love? Does it matter?”
“Ah! Love is good, but it’s overrated!”
“So, no need for love?”
“I’ll settle for ‘like’. If she doesn’t love me but likes me enough to be my wife, I’ll settle.”
“Can you find such a woman?”
“Who knows? See, here’s the thing. If a woman says she loves you, how do you know she means it?”
“I don’t know. I don’t even have a girlfriend right now.”
“I’m a simple man, so the way I think is simple too.”
“What do you mean?”
“If a woman is willing to be my wife without ever saying she loves me, I’ll take her.”
“That would be risky.”
“Maybe. You know why I’d take her?”
“Tell me.”
“Because I don’t think I’m easy to love!”
“Come on, man! You’re making things up!”
“I’m serious! Look at me! I’m short and ugly. So, if a woman can overlook all that and be my wife … Well, I guess it means she loves me!”
“You’re weird, man! But you make a lot of sense too.”
“I’m always sensible, that’s why. People tell me so. Anyway, what about you? What kind of woman do you want? Come on, let’s hear it.”
And so, their discussion continued until late in the evening. Between them, lay an empty kettle of homemade tea and an untouched bottle of sweet “tuak” made from fermented glutinous rice.
They both agreed that two heads and two pairs of hands were better than one and that having a partner to share the workload could work wonders.
They recalled roofing Jamin’s farmhouse. With Jamin among the rafters and Lijah on the ground passing the roofing materials, they finished the job in a day.
“If you had done it alone, that job would have taken much longer,” Lijah noted.
“And jobs such as planting and harvesting are much easier with a partner by your side,” Jamin added.
More than a year later, Lijah met a woman who eventually became his wife. She was not from his village but another one.
During an impromptu social gathering of friends at our farmhouse one evening, Lijah recounted how he and a friend had visited her village during a Gawai Dayak celebration. Amid the festivities, he lost track of his friend and ended up staying in the last house they visited.
He was in luck, for there was a girl there, a daughter of the house. She was not particularly beautiful but not unattractive either. But Lijah felt hopeful because she was taller than him and kind, making him feel at home.
Despite being a visitor and a stranger, she talked with him as if he were an old lost friend. When night came, and he was too tired, she prepared a bed in a spare room where he slept, promptly forgetting about his friend until the next morning.
After returning home, the girl was constantly on his mind. He wanted to see her again but didn’t know what to do about it. After all, the Gawai Dayak was over, and he needed a good excuse to appear at her doorstep again without an invitation.
For several weeks, he pondered his predicament. Desperation eventually led him to bite the bullet. He had to act while the woman still remembered his face.
One weekend, he took a bus that passed the junction to the woman’s village twice daily. From that junction, he walked for two hours to his destination. Much to his relief, the girl recognised him instantly and invited him into her house. He was glad her parents were present because he wanted to get to know them too.
He made the trip a few more times after that solo trip. During one of his visits, feeling that the time was right, he finally made his intentions known to the girl and her parents. To show he was serious, he invited them to visit his farm which he was rather proud of.
“I want you to know that I have the means to support your daughter,” he told the parents.
To make a long story short, Lijah and the girl did get married, and she moved to live with him on his farm.
“What I value the most is the emotional support that comes with having a partner,” Lijah later told Jamin during another conversation some months after his marriage.
“Frankly speaking, I am jealous,” Jamin chuckled.
“Don’t be! I’m sure you’ll have a wife one day soon,” Lijah reassured him.
Jamin had every reason to feel anxious about finding a wife. Most men his age in the farming community were already married, and farming alone often left him feeling isolated, surrounded by other farms and jungles with no one to share his thoughts.
He longed for a companion to talk to after a long day in the fields. His visits to Lijah and his wife’s farm showed him how much easier life could be with a partner.
Having reached adulthood years later, when thoughts of marriage crossed my mind, the story of Lijah and Jamin came to the fore, especially the part about the benefits of teamwork which can be applied in various endeavours.
My takeaway from the story is in the context of a farming community, successful partnerships involve combining strengths and working towards common goals. This reflects the broader idea that a balanced relationship where both partners contribute is essential. Lijah’s attitude towards finding a spouse shows acceptance and realistic expectations.
He is not overly concerned with appearances but focuses on qualities like health and compatibility, suggesting that understanding and accepting each other’s strengths and weaknesses is vital in a partnership.
The emotional support from having a partner is highlighted as a significant benefit. Lijah values companionship and shared experiences, which add emotional stability and fulfilment to his life.
His willingness to marry a woman taller than him, despite societal norms, reflects adaptability and open-mindedness. This can inspire readers to look beyond conventional criteria and be more flexible in their expectations.
Lijah’s efforts to pursue the woman he met during the Gawai Dayak celebration demonstrate persistence and initiative. He actively works towards his goal, showing that taking proactive steps can lead to positive outcomes in relationships.
The story reflects the interdependence within a community. Lijah and Jamin’s interactions and mutual support depict a sense of community where people rely on each other for help and companionship.
Finally, the story acknowledges the traditional roles of men and women but also suggests the importance of equality and mutual respect in a partnership.
Balancing roles and sharing responsibilities leads to a more harmonious and effective relationship. Overall, the story presents marriage as a partnership that goes beyond romantic love, emphasizing practicality, teamwork, and mutual support as essential elements for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
‘Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.’
– Helen Keller (1880–1968). A renowned American author, political activist, and lecturer, she became a symbol of courage and determination for millions of people. She was the first deafblind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree.
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the New Sarawak Tribune.
