A man who understands decorum and the courtesies is a great treasure; I hope to train and send into society as many such men as I can. — Mas Oyama, South Korean karate master
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I had a surprise call last Thursday from an ex-colleague whom I lost touch with slightly more than five-and-a-half years ago. To maintain the confidentiality of his identity let’s call him Ahmad Adam (AA).
Below is part of our WhatsApp conversation:
AA: Hi Rajah! This is Datuk Ahmad Adam. How have you been? I got your number from …
Me: Hello Ahmad. Where have you been all this while la?
AA: This is Datuk Ahmad Adam!
Me: Yeah Ahmad; I know because I recognise your voice.
AA: I said this is Datuk Ahmad Adam! (He was obviously feeling irritated; I then realised that he wanted to be addressed as Datuk.)
Me: Wow, Datuk! Congrats! When did you receive the title?
AA: I received it from the Sultan of … last year. People now address me as Datuk Ahmad Adam.
Me: Noted Sir …
Talking about humility, obviously it’s not in his dictionary. Social etiquette and decorum dictate that proper self-address and conduct are important. Addressing oneself with humility and refraining from unnecessary titles are fundamental aspects of this decorum.
However, as observed in various spheres of society, including in politics, adherence to such norms often wavers, leading to instances of noncompliance with decorum.
The traditional etiquette requires individuals to introduce themselves without the use of honorifics such as ‘Tan Sri’, ‘Datuk’,
Datuk Seri’, or even ‘Mr’ or ‘Mrs’. For instance, instead of saying, “I am Datuk Ahmad Adam, or I am Mr Philip Lau” it is more appropriate to simply state, “I am Ahmad Adam, or I am Philip Law.” This subtle distinction reflects a level of humility and equality in interpersonal communication.
Moreover, in formal correspondences or sign-offs, it is customary to omit titles when referring to oneself. Rather than concluding a letter with “Yours Sincerely, Datuk Ahmad Adam,” the preferred convention is to employ a simpler approach, such as “Yours Sincerely, Ahmad Adam.” The omission of honorifics reflects a sense of modesty and professionalism in written communication.
I still recall vividly social activist and former Member of Parliament Tan Sri Lee Lam Thye’s humble way of addressing himself when he called me occasionally to publish his press releases when I was with a Sarawak broadsheet newspaper many years ago. “Rajah, this is Lam Thye. Please look into my press statement and see if it can be published …”
Another person whom I would like to highlight is Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad. Say what you want about him; people may raise eyebrows on his controversial political remarks of late but when it comes to referring to himself or signing off formal correspondences, it’s just ‘Dr Mahathir’.
However, the observance of such decorum seems to elude a few people, including notable politicians and public figures from Sarawak. Despite their prominent positions and public visibility, some elected representatives and VIPs fail to adhere to these basic etiquettes of self-address. But there are two persons among others — Sarawak’s No. 1 politician Datuk Patinggi Tan Sri Abang Johari Tun Openg who self-addresses as just Abang Johari, and the new Head of State Tun Dr Wan Junaidi Tuanku Jaafar, who introduces himself as Wan Junaidi.
It is not uncommon to witness members of Parliament, assemblymen and ministers addressing themselves with titles, thereby setting a less-than-ideal example for others. Many Yang Berhomat (YB) are fond of addressing themselves as ‘YB’!
The erosion of decorum extends beyond the realm of self-address to encompass inappropriate behaviour during parliamentary or legislative sessions. While Malaysia may not have descended into the chaotic scenes witnessed in other countries’ legislative bodies, instances of heated verbal exchanges, name-calling and racial remarks have tainted our parliamentary proceedings.
The lack of decorum displayed by elected representatives not only reflects poorly on their individual characters and upbringing but also undermines the integrity and respectability of the institutions they represent. Such behaviour sets a bad precedent for the younger generation, who may perceive such conduct as acceptable or even normal in the public domain.
When our elected representatives engage in heated debates and use unparliamentary language, the presiding Speaker interjects and calls for order, for example, “Yang Berhormat, tarik balik fitnah itu …” Personally, when some of these parliamentarians resort to distasteful language and fail to observe decorum, I do not think they deserve to be addressed as ‘Ahli Yang Berhormat’; rather they should be addressed as ‘Yang Tak Berhormat’!
Beyond the examples cited above, other instances of noncompliance with decorum abound in various spheres of society.
For example, in the age of social media, individuals often disregard decorum by engaging in online arguments, resorting to personal attacks, or spreading misinformation. The anonymity afforded by online platforms can embolden users to exhibit behaviour they would refrain from in face-to-face interactions.
Other examples include public gatherings and events where individuals may exhibit noncompliance with decorum by disregarding cultural sensitivities, engaging in disruptive behaviour, or failing to adhere to established protocols or dress codes; and in business where the failure to observe decorum can manifest in various forms, such as interrupting colleagues during meetings, speaking condescendingly to subordinates, or neglecting to express gratitude for assistance or contributions.
The observance of decorum serves as a foundation of civilised society, fostering respect, dignity and harmonious interactions among individuals. Whether in the corridors of power, the digital realm, or everyday encounters, adherence to established norms of conduct is essential for cultivating a culture of mutual respect and professionalism.
As exemplified by the instances of noncompliance that I have discussed above, the erosion of decorum can have far-reaching implications, underlining the importance of upholding these principles in all facets of life.
The views expressed here are those of the columnist and do not necessarily represent the views of New Sarawak Tribune.
