When I was a high school girl, I knew an old Hainanese auntie. I was in my teens while she was in her early 70s. We lived in the same house in Sibu. In those days, it was common for families to rent different rooms in the same house. This auntie was an authentic product of China. She was born, raised and even married on Hainan Island, China.
Later on, she followed her husband to Sarawak and helped him run a drink stall. When I knew her, she and her hubby woke up before dawn every day and worked at their stall from dawn until dusk.
One day, the old auntie suffered a stroke and had to be admitted to hospital. She fell into a coma and passed away a few days later. There was no doubt that the old lady loved her husband very much.
She worked hard day and night at their drink stall. She must have experienced some signs and symptoms of stroke before she collapsed but chose to ignore them.
Some women wrongly think they are indispensable in life; that their husbands and children cannot live and function without them. In the case of the old Hainanese auntie, she thought without her, the drink stall could not operate.
How wrong she was! After she died, life went on for her husband. His second wife (a Sarawakian) and her son with him went on to run the stall. The Hainanese auntie loved her husband very much but forgot to love herself first. She should have stopped work and gone for a thorough health check when she felt unwell. It is important for us to love ourselves first.
If we don’t have enough self-love, we may fail to take good care of our own health. If you don’t love yourself and take care of yourself, nobody will. Wake up, my friends, if you think you are indispensable in life. I am sorry to point out you know you are not.
In life, we are here today and gone tomorrow. If you are gone forever, a few people may miss you for a day or two. After that, many people may not remember you at all. I work in an office and for the past five or six years, had the misfortune to lose friends either through deaths or because they chose to quit their posts.
Their seats might remain empty for a few days or a few weeks. After that, you find new people occupying their seats and taking over their jobs.
And life goes on in the office. Once in a while, the names of those who once worked with you get mentioned in the course of a conversation. You think of them for a while and then you get on with your own life. Another woman who failed to love herself first was my late auntie, Catherine, my mother’s younger sister. Like the old Hainanese auntie, she worked hard for her husband and son.
She earned enough money to buy a comfortable house for her family and made sure there was always good food on the table.
One day, like the old Hainese auntie, Auntie Catherine suddenly passed away. She died in her sleep early one evening after complaining of pain in her chest. She should have rushed to the nearest health clinic or hospital instead of resting in her room when she felt the pain.
I am sure it was not the first time she experienced it. Had her husband or son experienced such pain, she would have insisted that they go for thorough health checks. Am I wrong in assuming that many women (far more than men) fail to love themselves first? If you are one of these women, change yourself today. Learn to love yourself. Put yourself first and focus on your needs and wants over others. It may sound selfish but it is not. If you want to take care of others, you have to take care of yourself first.
Loving yourself also means taking time off to engage in activities that make you happy or spending time alone with your thoughts.
For example, one of my girl friends and I have breakfast or lunch together once a week. After eating, we go window shopping or visit a supermarket together. According to some experts, when you put yourself first, you eat better, sleep and exercise more. As a result, you look better and feel better. So friends, learn to love yourselves first.
