‘Family: we may not have it all together, but together we have it all … including unsolicited life advice.’ – Unknown
FESTIVITIES are a time of joy, togetherness and reconnection.
The spirit of open houses and visiting family and friends brings people closer, bridging the gaps that time and distance may have created.
These gatherings are often filled with laughter, warmth and delicious food.
They serve to catch up on life updates, relive cherished memories, and strengthen familial bonds.
However, as much as reunions are about joy, they can also come with a fair share of discomfort – particularly when the well-intentioned but intrusive questions start rolling in.
While some conversations flow effortlessly, others can veer into topics that cause unintended stress or anxiety.
It is not uncommon for older relatives to be direct in their line of questioning, often with little regard for personal boundaries.
If you are single, the inevitable question arises: “So, when are you getting married?”
If you are married but do not have children, the next query follows: “Aren’t you trying for a baby?”
And for those married with children, there’s always a follow-up: “When are you having another one?”
To some, these inquiries may seem harmless – a mere reflection of curiosity or traditional expectations.
For the older generation, such questions are often an expression of genuine interest rather than an attempt to pry.
In their minds, they are simply making conversation, engaging in what they believe to be natural topics of discussion.
I have never taken these questions to heart.
I see them as part and parcel of family interactions.
I acknowledge that they stem from curiosity rather than malice.
To me, they are simply the ways in which the elderly express their concern, albeit in a manner that may not always align with modern sensibilities.
However, I understand that not everyone shares the same perspective.
For some, these questions touch on deeply personal matters, sometimes even painful ones.
A person who has been struggling with infertility may find questions about starting a family particularly distressing.
Someone who has just gone through a breakup or is dealing with personal challenges may not appreciate being reminded of their relationship status.
In such cases, what may seem like casual chit-chat can become a source of discomfort or even hurt.
The generational gap also plays a role in how such questions are received.
In the past, societal expectations often dictated that people follow a certain life trajectory – finish school, get a job, get married, and have children.
For the older generation, this was the norm.
Deviating from this timeline was uncommon, and when it happened, it was usually met with concern or confusion.
Today, however, the world has changed.
People are prioritising personal growth, career aspirations and financial stability.
Marriage and children are no longer seen as the ultimate markers of success, but rather as personal choices that one makes when the time is right.
So, how should one handle these situations during festive gatherings?
The key lies in perspective and response.
While it may not be possible to change how the older generation thinks, we can control how we react.
If you find these questions overwhelming, there are ways to navigate them without causing tension.
A polite yet firm response can help steer the conversation in a different direction.
For example, if asked about marriage, a simple “I’m focusing on my career and enjoying life right now” can suffice.
If the topic of children arises, responding with “We’re taking our time and seeing where life takes us” can be enough to close the discussion.
It is also important to remember that these questions are not always meant to be intrusive.
While they may feel personal, they often come from a place of care.
Sometimes, a lighthearted approach can also help diffuse the situation.
Responding with humour, such as “I’ll let you know when I get a wedding invitation myself!” can ease any awkwardness and shift the conversation to a lighter note.
At the same time, as younger generations, we can also guide our older relatives toward more inclusive and engaging conversation topics.
Rather than focusing on milestones like marriage or children, we can share stories about our travels, hobbies, career achievements, or even the latest movies or books we’ve enjoyed.
This not only helps divert the conversation but also allows for meaningful discussions that everyone can partake in.
On the flip side, it is also worth reflecting on how we approach conversations with our elders.
Just as we may feel uncomfortable with certain questions, they too may have topics they prefer not to discuss.
The same courtesy we seek should be extended to them as well.
Instead of only answering their questions, we should take the time to ask about their lives – their experiences, memories and wisdom.
We often underestimate how much we can learn from their stories.
Ultimately, festive gatherings are about coming together and celebrating the bonds we share.
While there may be moments of discomfort, they are far outweighed by the joy of reconnecting with loved ones.
The key is to approach these interactions with patience, understanding and a touch of humour.
After all, these reunions are rare, and each moment spent with family is a reminder of the importance of love, connection and shared experiences.
So, the next time you find yourself fielding these inevitable questions, take a deep breath, smile, and navigate them with grace.
At its core, even the intrusive questions from our loved ones are often their way of showing they care.
And that, more than anything, is something to be grateful for.
DISCLAIMER:
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune. The writer can be reached at sarahhafizahchandra@gmail.com
