“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the President. You realise that you control your own destiny.”
– Albert Ellis, a pioneering psychologist in the field of cognitive behavioural therapy.
Ellis established rational emotive behaviour therapy (REBT). He earned MA and PhD degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and was certified by the American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP).
DEAR reader,
Let us picture this: We wake up one morning, and our world feels like it’s been flipped upside down. We’ve faced challenges, whether it be a health scare, loss of a job, world or personal crisis, or even the harsh reality of cyberbullying – a personal experience that I’ve known so well.
So, what exactly is emotional resilience? In simple terms, we can bounce back from life’s adversities. It’s like being a rubber band that can stretch but not break. Many people equate resilience with toughness or being unyielding. However, it is not about ignoring your feelings or pretending everything is fine. Instead, it is about navigating through life’s storms and gaining strength from the experience.
At its core, as the American Psychological Association defines it, emotional resilience refers to our ability to successfully cope or adapt to stress, adversity, trauma, or tragedy.
Think of it as our emotional immunity. Just like how our bodies develop immunity to viruses with time, emotional resilience fortifies us against life’s emotional challenges. It involves how we manage our emotions, navigate through life’s challenges, and recover from setbacks.
When we look at the science of it, emotional resilience isn’t just a buzzword; it has roots in psychology and mental health studies. Researchers have found that resilient people share certain traits, such as perseverance, optimism, and the ability to regulate their emotions. A study by the University of California found that individuals with high emotional resilience exhibited lower levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) after facing challenges. Those with lower resilience showed elevated levels, indicating a less effective stress response.
Dr Rick Hanson, a psychologist and neuroscience researcher, professionally stated, “The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones.” This highlights the inherent human tendency to dwell on the negative, making emotional resilience more crucial. Strengthening our resilience helps us rewire our brains to focus on the positive, setting the stage for personal growth.
Emotional resilience is particularly crucial in today’s world, where the challenges we face can be significant. Stress, trauma, and the continuous barrage of negativity from our online lives can easily wear us down. Without the means to cope and recover, those pressures can take a toll on our mental health. The ability to be emotionally resilient can help you manage stress more effectively, maintain positive relationships, and foster a sense of purpose and engagement in life.
Now, how do we build this essential quality? After my own experiences with cyberbullying, I found some points worth deeply looking into that proved helpful in promoting emotional resilience. Here are some notes to enhance our resilience:
First of all to know that building emotional resilience is to recognise and understand our emotions. Allow ourselves to feel deeply and acknowledge negative feelings — a normal part of the healing process. Resilience isn’t merely bouncing back from adversity; it is about learning to dance with life’s challenges. It’s a grace that allows us to flow with our experiences rather than to stiffen in resistance. When faced with bullying or any form of emotional turmoil, we can often feel shackled by fear. This fear, however, can be reshaped into wisdom if we turn to God (or the higher things in life) for guidance. Through sincere prayer and/or meditation, we can navigate our fears and confront them with newfound strength, understanding that these experiences are not meant to break us but to build us.
I have experienced the haunting grip of fear followed by the sweet embrace of God’s mercy. The pain I encountered was unparalleled, pushing me to the edge of despair. I reached out to God through prayer, seeking mercy and light amidst the darkness of cyberbullying and emotional trauma. On my knees, I uttered a plea: “Lord, guide me through this process and help me transform this pain into a valuable lesson.” I confronted the shadows lurking in my mind and called upon God, His love, to illuminate the path forward.
There were moments I questioned my worth, feeling caught in a web woven from societal expectations and past traumas. Yet, as I continued to pray and connect with my higher power, a whisper in my spirit reminded me of a term – “meekness”.
Meekness isn’t weakness; it is a deep surrender, a powerful choice to forgo ego in exchange for inner peace. Embracing meekness became my guiding light, my armour against the storms of life. It taught me that in giving up my need for control, I could find real joy and genuine resilience.
On the fourth day of cyberbullying, with profound reflection, I had what some might call a spiritual awakening. I felt the weight of my burdens lifted, replaced by an overwhelming sense of joy. It was a moment when I realised that in surrendering my ego, my true struggle, in doing what we may call ‘ego-suicide’, I could experience serenity. All I could utter after the suicide of my ego was, “Thank you, Lord,” as I collectively felt the love of God that washed over me, filling me with unshakable hope.
Through science, we understand that facing overwhelming challenges can lead to mental health issues, including trauma, anxiety, and depression. And this may push some to contemplate suicide. Yet, I found a crucial truth through my spiritual journey: though challenges can feel like an avalanche, they also contain the seeds of resilience. Scientific studies indicate that individuals who possess strong social support and faith-based practices experience lower levels of psychological distress. Meanwhile, spiritually rooted individuals navigate trials with a profound sense of purpose.
As I forged my path through adversity, I began to understand that emotional resilience is not simply about having the strength to endure alone. It’s about leaning into God’s grace and surrounding ourselves with companions. Together, we can help one another rise above struggles. For me, having a close-knit group of family and friends who understood what I was going through made a world of difference. He, she and they offered encouragement and reminded me of my inherent worth when I struggled to see it myself.
In this interconnected existence, it is vital to remind ourselves that we do not tackle our demons in isolation. Seek God for wisdom and strength; no one should and no one can face trauma alone. Surrendering to God opens our hearts and positions us to receive the
grace and support we need. Indeed, meekness is the key to unlocking the cushion of resilience that can soften the blow from life’s trials.
In my journey, keeping a journal has been particularly helpful for me to track my emotional responses. When dealing with cyberbullying statements that were directed at me, I often took time to write down my thoughts and feelings, which helped me process my hurt instead of letting it fester.
So, to anyone navigating the tumultuous waters of stress, trauma, or depression, I offer you this heartfelt message: Seek God. Reach out to others. Allow His wisdom to guide you through. Remember, while human strength has limitations, divine strength knows no bounds.
By cultivating emotional resilience, the more we work on it, the stronger it becomes, allowing ourselves to manoeuvre through life with grace and strength. It is like a mental muscle – we have to train it to make it strong and flexible.
Next week, we will dive into a related topic: balancing emotional expression and suppression. As we navigate this balancing act, remember this quote: “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about.” Let us explore how we can skillfully manage this delicate equilibrium!
Thriving isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It is about embracing the messiness of life. Embrace each experience, learn from it, and you might discover a version of yourself that is stronger than ever.
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune.
