A belated Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers and mother figures who look after other people’s children like their own.
Mother’s Day is celebrated by over 40 countries in the world but on different dates and Malaysia was among the countries which celebrated it yesterday. Next year, Malaysia will celebrate the event on 13 May.
Mother’s Day is a celebration honouring mothers, motherhood, maternal bonds and the influence of mothers in society.
On Mother’s Day, loving messages, gifts and flowers are sent not only to mothers, but also to grandmothers, motherly figures like aunts, caring women and friends’ mothers who love other people’s children much as their own.
Yesterday, many restaurants in Kuching City were fully booked for Mother’s Day breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
The easiest way to treat mothers and mother figures on Mother’s Day is to treat them to a big meal and let them take a day off from housework and cooking.
Since my son is away, his girlfriend treated me to a sumptuous dim sum breakfast at a local hotel in Kuching yesterday.
I thank God for His blessings. I feel blessed that I am loved not only by my family members but also friends who remember me on Mother’s Day.
When I arrived in the office yesterday afternoon, a colleague of mine had a big bouquet of flowers beside her.
Her two daughters and son had paid for the flowers to be delivered at her workplace. Last night, all the women in her big family including her mother-in-law and sisters-in-law were feted to a delicious dinner at a restaurant.
I never met my paternal grandmother who lived and died on Hainan Island in China. But when I was a schoolgirl, I used to spend the long school holidays with my maternal grandmother in Kanowit in Sibu Division.
Whenever I visited her during the end of the year holidays, she would serve me my favourite food like boiled yellow tapioca and fried tapioca leaves.
My maternal grandmother passed on during the first year of my working life; before that, she had the chance to visit Kuching just once. I remember bringing her to some of the tourist spots in the city including the Sarawak Museum and snapping pictures of her there.
Some people did not like my maternal grandmother. They thought she was fierce.
But the old lady never scolded me and always encouraged me to study hard and to strive for the best and highest education possible.
When I was a teenager, she told me love and marriage should wait until I had completed all my studies.
If my grandmother were still alive today, I would go to her, hug her and tell her how much I love her. I would thank her for her patience and unconditional love.
When I was young, I did not know how to show my feelings and I never hugged my grandmother or any other members of my family.
Hugging was not a culture in my family. We were expected to keep a stiff upper lip in times of misfortune.
I only learnt to show my feelings in recent years from some well travelled and well connected senior Toastmasters, particularly the ladies.
They are not shy to hug friends that they care about to show their affections for them.
Now, I hug my family members including my nephews’ children whenever we part after meetings or gatherings.
Yesterday, I did not bring my mother, an Alzheimer’s patient, out for a Mother’s Day lunch or dinner. I cooked a simple lunch for her and other members of my family at home.
For me, everyday is Mother’s Day; I do a lot of things for my mother everyday.
I make her breakfast, cook for her, make sure she eats, bathes and changes her clothes.
Sometimes, when I am tired of cooking, I bring her out for breakfast, lunch or dinner.
Five minutes after we leave the coffeeshops, my mother usually insists she has not eaten anything at all for the day.
It is not easy to look after an Alzheimer’s patient; he or she forgets things so easily.
In my mother’s case, what can I do? She is, after all, my mother.
I am not close to my mother. Long before she fell victim to Alzheimer’s Disease, she was a very strict mother. She would not hesitate to cane my elder sister and I if we disobeyed her.
When we were young, my elder sister and I had to look after our younger siblings after school, leaving us with very little time to play. Sometimes, we had to cook rice on a kerosene stove for the family as well.
There were six children in the family – four girls and two boys. In the olden days, Chinese families favoured sons over daughters and my mother favoured my younger brothers simply because they were boys.
She also favoured my youngest sister because she was the last child and had little time for me, the second child in the family, or my elder sister.
Like my late father, my mother was also not demonstrative when I was growing up. I cannot remember her hugging me when I was a school girl.
Whenever I came home proudly from school with good academic results, she never praised me. My mother belonged to the group of old-fashioned parents who believed that children should never be praised for fear that they might get too big-headed for their own good.
When I was growing up, I never joked with my mother as well because she was too sensitive.
Whenever she felt slighted, she would warn my elder sister and I not to be disrespectful to her if we did not want to be caned.
Contrary to my mother, my late father was liberal, kind and liked to joke. I could, for instance, discuss anything under the sun with him.
My cheerful and easygoing father and serious and sensitive mother were completely composite to each other in many ways and I guess opposites really attract.
In her old age now, I notice that my mother is more forgiving and kind to her grandchildren than she was to her children, especially my elder sister and I.
Two of her grandsons, who are in their 30s, can pull her legs and get away with it.
Yesterday was Happy Mother’s Day, a happy and memorable day for many mothers and mother figures all over the world.
My best friend reminds me how blessed I am that my mother is still alive and living with me. Now and then, my best friend still misses her own mother who passed on years ago.
Relish the opportunity to treat your mother well while she is alive, advises my best friend.
But the truth, my friend, is that Alzheimer’s Disease has affected my mother so badly she is no longer the woman I used to know. She is now very grouchy and never seems to be happy with life. I am treating her the best I can.
Was she happy yesterday and today with all the things I did for her? Frankly speaking, I do not know.
Anyway, Happy Mother’s Day to you, dear mother. Alas, if only you were literate and could read what I am writing now.
