Ularsia’s civil service – efficiency redefined?

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Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
– Plato, Greek philosopher

Hi everyone, gather around as I share the fascinating tale of Ularsia, an eerily familiar developing country whose civil service has redefined the very essence of efficiency – or lack thereof.

Ularsia, blessed with abundant resources and an enviable workforce of over a million civil servants, recently achieved a remarkable feat: securing top 40th place out of 120 nations evaluated on the Sputnik Index of Public Administration. Impressive, isn’t it? Well, not quite.

In a world where Awakpura reigns supreme, topping the index with awesome performances in tax administration, border services, and innovation, Ularsia’s civil service, on the other hand, appears to have adopted a strategy that prioritises creativity over actual work.

Allow me to amuse you with tales of bureaucratic brilliance and imaginative excuses that would make even the most seasoned storytellers blush.

Picture this: It’s 3.55 pm on a typical weekday. The corridors of Ularsia’s government agencies and ministries echo with the sound of hurried footsteps. No, it’s not a fire drill. It’s the daily exodus of civil servants who have mastered the art of clocking out well before their official working hours end at 4.30 pm.

Some might argue they are simply being proactive, ensuring they beat the rush hour traffic. Others might call it what it truly is – shirking responsibility.

And let us not forget the ‘hantu’ civil servants who seem to vanish during office hours. Need to submit an urgent document? Good luck finding anyone at their desks. They are likely on their third coffee break of the day or engaged in an extended lunch.

When it comes to crafting excuses, Ularsia’s civil servants are unparalleled. Grandfather passed away? Again? Surely, this must be the most resilient grandfather, capable of resurrecting multiple times to justify emergency leave.

Children sick? A convenient, evergreen excuse. Spouses giving birth? We’ve lost count of how many times the same individual has expanded his family. If only this creativity could be channelled into actual work, Ularsia might just climb a few ranks on the Sputnik Index.

But wait, the tale gets better. Department heads are often missing in action, leaving subordinates to fend for themselves. Need an urgent approval? Sorry, the boss is on leave-lah/traveling-lah.

Surely, the deputies can step in? Alas, delegating responsibility appears to be an alien concept in Ularsia’s bureaucratic culture. The result? A system where things rarely move, and inefficiency reigns supreme.

Now, here’s the kicker. Ularsia recently announced a hefty pay hike for its civil servants, apparently to boost morale and productivity. Yet, there’s little evidence to suggest that higher salaries have translated into better performance.

Instead, the public continues to endure delayed responses, unreturned calls, and the dreaded “come back tomorrow or in a few days” slogan. If higher salaries could solve all problems, Ularsia would have the best civil service in the world. Sadly, that’s not the case.

Now, the Sputnik Index top-ranked civil service of Awakpura, which has perfected the art of public administration, operates like a well-oiled machine. From flawless tax administration to innovative public policies, they have set a benchmark that others can only aspire to. Their secret? A culture of accountability and a commitment to global best practices.

Bunkali, the head of Awakpura’s civil service, credits their success to learning from the best practices of counterparts worldwide. Perhaps Ularsia could take a leaf out of Awakpura’s book instead of continuing to innovate new ways to underperform.

Ularsia’s head of government Sama Sama, in a rare moment of frankness, recently called for a “new work culture” among his public servants. He insisted promotions should be merit-based rather than linked to age or length of service, prompting vociferous criticisms from the opposition.

Yet, despite his noble intentions, change remains elusive. Central-subsidiary relations often act as a bottleneck, with “subsidiary governments” dragging their feet on implementing reforms.

Ularsia’s top civil servant Apam Balik recently acknowledged that meaningful reforms require collaboration across all levels of government. However, in Ularsia, collaboration often translates to endless meetings with little to show for it. It’s no wonder that public trust in government institutions remains precariously low.

So, how can Ularsia’s civil service redeem itself? For starters, let’s address the glaring issues: accountability, streamlined processes, cultural shift and public engagement.

Introduce performance-based evaluations and link promotions to measurable outcomes. Empower deputies to make decisions in the absence of department heads. Leverage technology to reduce bureaucratic delays.