Reflecting on cherished memories and heartfelt lessons learned from her dad, who left too soon but remains forever in her heart, Julie Ngadan celebrates his enduring legacy and the profound influence he continues to have on her life and on those he touched, especially on this Father’s Day.
Remembering Dad
My dad would have been 62 years old if he were still alive today. He returned to his Heavenly Father on October 5, 2018, due to a lung infection.
I still vividly recall how the doctor in charge of my dad hurried to me as soon as I entered the emergency yellow zone of Sarawak General Hospital around 8 in the morning.
He informed me that my dad’s condition had suddenly worsened earlier that morning, causing his oxygen levels and heartbeat to plummet.
According to him, my dad had no hope of survival, and he gave me two options: to let him go naturally or to use a defibrillator to try to restore his heartbeat to normal.
I was able to get a glance at my dad’s face; he looked very calm, as if he were prepared to return to his eternal Father.
Therefore, I made the decision to allow my dad to leave peacefully because I didn’t want him to endure further agony and suffering in this life.
I am also convinced that God loves my dad deeply, which is why He took him back to live with Him.
It’s true what people say: losing someone we love dearly is never easy.
It has been almost six years since my dad passed away, but the memories of him and the longing I feel for him have never faded.
I still cry every time I think of my dad. I miss everything about him — his laugh, smile, cooking, jokes, and more.
We can’t share stories anymore. Not to mention, now that I’m a parent, he would have been the one spoiling my two boys, I’m sure!
Since I was little, I spent a lot of time with him. Being an avid outdoorsman, he would take my younger brother and me hiking, swimming in the river, having picnics, and playing at the beach.
He used to have a scrambler that he loved very much, and I remember that every time he had a day off, he would take me to wash the bike in a stream (I believe it was called Sungai Jaong) while we took a dip.
On his days off, we would also roam around Kuching town together before stopping at the Open Air Market to enjoy fresh soy milk and kolo mee.
I also recall enjoying sitting behind my dad. To prevent me from falling asleep easily due to the wind (since I had not started kindergarten yet), dad would secure me to his body with elastic braided ropes.
Being a daddy’s girl not only allowed me to enjoy playing sepak takraw and going fishing but also relieved me of the need to look good.
Up until Primary 6, my dad would blow-dry and comb my hair every morning before I left for school. I remember one day a female teacher asked, “Where do you get your hair done every day?”
I believed that if he hadn’t taken a new job that required him to live in the hostel, he would still be doing my hair.
Besides his skills in electrical work, my dad was also talented in music, cooking, crafting, sketching, and motivating others.
During my school days, I performed extremely poorly — or, better yet, failed — in the additional mathematics subject.
I informed my dad of my result when I came home, and you know what? He laughed out loud, not with anger or rage! He said that my performance reminded him of his own grade in the same subject during school.
Dad advised me not to give up, to always focus in class, to do a lot of exercises, and most importantly, not to hate additional mathematics!
To be honest, I was so bad at the subject that I never passed except for the Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia trial and actual exams; even my subject teacher and classmates were shocked at how well I did.
Despite only obtaining a passing grade instead of an exceptional one, my dad was very proud of my accomplishment.
Dad always made sure I put in a lot of effort to improve my grades and never stopped encouraging me.
I also recall that after I completed my bachelor’s degree, he urged me to pursue a master’s degree.
My dad loved emphasising the importance of education in transforming one’s life.
He shared that when he was younger, he had aspirations of going to university, but after completing Form 5, financial limitations meant he could only continue his education at a vocational institution.
He added that since Primary 1, he had been living in the dorm and earning extra money by selling bao (Chinese steam buns), as my grandfather could only afford to give 20 cents each month for pocket money.
He also used to work in quarries because the pay there was really decent for a student. He wanted his kids to prioritise their studies because he wished for us to live happy, easy lives unlike his own.
However, my young soul yearned to earn my own money at that moment. So, I decided to work. I didn’t pursue my master’s degree until after I turned 30 and got married.
I vividly recall trying to hold back my tears during my convocation in 2022 when my dad came to mind. If he had seen me then, I’m sure he would have been overjoyed (and would have cried; I am positive!).
I had never witnessed my dad cry in front of me, except for the moment I left for further studies in Labuan for matriculation.
He was hidden behind a billboard at the airport when I spotted him, and my plan was to sneak up on him and surprise him.
Instead, I found him crying — both of us sobbed while hugging each other before he let me go.
Now that I’m a mum, I wish I could be like my dad: being there for my boys through thick and thin, lending support when they need it most, providing them with a solid education, and, most of all, loving them with all my heart.
To my dad, Ngadan Tangkong, I miss you dearly, and I am still doing my best to find peace in knowing you are with Him. I know you can see me “up” there, and I always prayed you had a happy life with your Heavenly Father.
Dad, you’ve always been the coolest — like all those times you said “yes” when mum said “no”.
Happy Father’s Day to you, Daddy, and to my husband, and to all the amazing fathers out there!
